


better off without

by taedislumina



Category: Naruto
Genre: Adultery, Angst, M/M, anti-ending, post-fourth ninja war, this is terrible and sad im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-12 05:15:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10482903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taedislumina/pseuds/taedislumina
Summary: Day 1: Forbidden relationship(characters cannot be together and pine from a distance; characters do get together but must always be secretive about it.)Naruto knows he's fine.He's fine living out his childhood dream of being Hokage, dwelling in the day to day illusion that he's happy as is. That he loves his wife and children - of course he does, he reassures himself - while he spends his office days dreaming of His dark hair and even darker eyes. Yeah, Uzumaki Naruto is...just fine living like this. Until he realizes that he isn't.





	

**Author's Note:**

> ok ok this is short and really sad and i'm still not sure why i do this to myself. anyway, i hope you enjoy.

Naruto knows he’s fine. 

 

His long awaited dreaming of claiming the title of hokage has been achieved. He married the unknown heroine of his academy days and the head of the legendary Hyuga clan. Together, they had two, healthy, happy, and rambunctious children. He had the life of any ninja’s dream, and more importantly, he was able to give his children the life he was robbed of. Yeah. Naruto Uzumaki knows he’s fine. 

 

The 7th sits at his desk drowning in reports and files as the sun begins to disappear behind the hills, casting a warm yellow and pink glow against the walls of his empty office. And he reminds himself - almost as routinely as he wakes up and makes himself morning coffee - that he’s fine. He’s fine. He’s fine. He’s-

 

He runs his hands through his short hair, vaguely remembering when it had been longer and Sakura had first suggested he cut it. She had said he needed to freshen and shake up his look; Naruto inwardly mocked himself for becoming one of those girls that cut their hair as a defiant act post-breakup with their boyfriend. He had never been in such a position, but he may as well have. God knows how much every bone in his body ached for the loss of someone he never had in the first place. 

 

Sighing, he lets his hands fall to cover and rub at his eyes; exhaustion from the day finally settling in. He didn’t need these thoughts right now. Hinata and the kids would be waiting for him at home and he couldn’t let another day slip by without organizing these pending mission requests. He told himself again - and with a weak sense of finality - that he was fine; to finish the job and to stop thinking about…

 

_ Sasuke. _

 

Blinking his eyes once...twice...three times, it took everything in the blonde not to explode at the irony of what he was seeing.  _ Had he really sunk so low into his daydreaming that he was actually hallucinating the Uchiha? _

 

He tried to shake himself out of it... the sunset was just playing tricks on his presumably poor eyesight. But in the moments that elapsed between them, Naruto was forced to realize that, in fact, what he was seeing was no joke. 

 

Sasuke Uchiha, draped in black and staring in the distant, empty way he always did towards the present hokage, was really standing right there. And Naruto was all but begging to be as fine as he thought he was. 

 

“You look fucking terrible.” Sasuke finally cut through the silence between them, and Naruto couldn’t help but laugh. It came out more as an overexaggerated chuckle, more forced than natural, and Sasuke noticed it almost immediately. But still, Naruto couldn’t deny he was right. He didn’t need a mirror to know he looked as terrible as he felt. 

 

“Always observant as ever, Sasuke…” Naruto plastered on a smile, hoping it wouldn’t give away his already broken heart. “Did you come to just make fun of my looks or...do you... have business here?” He hoped it was the latter. 

 

Sasuke remained silent, staring down his former teammate. Naruto was trained not to squirm under such an uncomfortable gaze, but he still wished Sasuke would look away. Not see how much of a mess he really was. He knew Sasuke’s eyes saw more than his words and body language let on, and he cursed him for that. Standing, he swiftly turned and made his way towards the windows on the far left of the office. He felt that burning stare with every step he made. “Beautiful, isn’t it? The village really looks nothing like it did back in the old days.” 

 

The looming silence was suffocating, and all Naruto felt like doing was screaming. Why now of all times? Why did Sasuke always show up when Naruto was at his weakest? Or, was it, that he just showed up when Naruto needed him most?

 

“What are you up to Sasuke?” Naruto tried again, his voice more on pointed and on guard than a simple passing question. No, he knew the Uchiha was up to something, and it was really getting under his skin. Acting all calm, cool, and collected when Naruto was on the edge of destruction. He turned around to see Sasuke was already standing in the reserved space of Naruto’s desk; holding a framed picture that Naruto had added for decoration, and as of lately, had become another tool for his ritualized motivation. He held his breath as he watched Sasuke observe the photo. He already knew exactly which photo it was. It was an arranged and traditional snapshot of him, Hinata, Boruto, and Himawari. He had starred and agonized over that photograph countless times...coaxing himself through his strenuous duties, deluding himself that he was excited to go home to them. 

 

He couldn’t even count how many times he wished it was Sasuke and him in that photo; linked, smiling, and happy. But he knew fate would never grant him that dream. He and Sasuke would never have a photo of them  _ together.  _

 

“You know why I’m here.” 

 

Ah yes. He knew this was all they would ever have. 

 

But even so, although he had been masquerading his desire and attempted not to get his hopes up, he always knew Sasuke’s visits meant one of two things. Either he was in Konoha to meet his tri-monthly requirement of checking up on Sakura and Sarada, or he was here for him.

 

In the dark, protected, and concealed area of the hokage’s office, their secret was guarded and the pent up flames of their burning desire unleashed. 

 

“I was hoping it was that…” Naruto barely whispered, but he knew Sasuke had heard him. He took full strides towards his desk and watched Sasuke set the picture frame down, finally tearing his gaze away from the wretched thing. Sasuke hated that photo. 

 

“...Do you ever miss me when I’m not here…?” Sasuke asks tentatively. He counts every footstep as he lets his gaze drag across the various items on Naruto’s desk. He doesn’t really know why he bothered to ask, since he already knows the painful truth. Because Sasuke feels the same, painful way. And he knows this is all they’ll ever have to reconcile that. 

 

Naruto is close now, slipping his hands around Sasuke’s hips and turning him around gently and swiftly. His heart has never learned to stop beating so fast when met with the comforting smell of Sasuke’s cologne or the smoothness of his skin, and he knows it never will. Sasuke’s senses are heightened by their nearness and he instantly realizes his desire is mere inches away from falling off the edge and devouring the blonde man in front of him whole. He craves Naruto more than he ever craved revenge, and he wonders yet again why such an overwhelmingly powerful force hasn’t taken over every cell in his body? Why hasn’t this desire overthrown his reserve and pushed him farther than the drive that pushed him for vengeance? Why does he stay so far away from the one thing in this world he has loved the most?

 

Ah. He remembers. 

 

Because it's  _ Naruto.  _ And he’s convinced himself too, that Naruto is better off without him. 

 

“You have no idea.” And with those words of finality wrapped in a inexplicable layer of relief, Naruto - now fully facing and only focused on the infatuating, dark haired man in front of him - drops the mask that he’s built and refined for himself, forgets his own lies, and forgets about dinner at seven. He collapses into the despair and desire that awaits him on the edge of those lips, and for now, he lets himself pretend it’s just the two of them in the whole world. 

 

As their lips - desperate and soft - capture the other’s slowly and their hands wander to find the spaces and curves they’ve already memorized a thousand times, the fire they keep at bay burns them from the inside out. And they know there's no going back on the inevitable. They are tragically, disastrously, hopelessly in love. 

 

Naruto knows he’s fine. But for one more night, he allows himself to come face-to-face with the reality that he isn’t.

  
  
  
  



End file.
